Obergefell v Hodges in the Scope of History

I have a new piece up with The Atlantic on the historic decision legalizing same-sex marriage nationwide. It argues that the history of marriage supports, even mandates, change as societies change.

We're ready. History is with us. Love wins.

Here's the piece, with thanks to Anise Strong and Ruth Karras.

---

UPDATE - Anise Strong gave me permission to repost these comments on Roberts' dissent:

Roberts: "As a result, the Court invalidates the marriage laws of more than half the States and orders the transformation of a social institution that has formed the basis of human society for millennia, for the Kalahari Bushmen and the Han Chinese, the Carthaginians
and the Aztecs. Just who do we think we are?"

Strong Writes:

Just for the record:

The Kalahari !Kung or San people (Bushmen being a frequently pejorative term) practice a limited form of same-sex marriage for inheritance purposes and probably have for tens of thousands of years. Also, their marriages are generally open with regard to sexual intercourse and can be freely and frequently divorced by either party.

The Han Chinese frequently practiced polygynous marriage and the primary functional practical relationship is mostly mother-in-law/daughter-in-law.

We don't know much of anything about the Carthaginian practice of marriage or family life, except that there's increasing evidence that they did sacrifice babies.

Aztec nobles were polygynous; Aztecs may have also practiced a form of same-sex marriage involving third-sex (intersex or "two-spirit)) individuals. Furthermore, Aztec wives had far more property and individual rights than most European and Asian women in the last 5000 years.

Or in other words: do your research.

And that is why I interviewed her for my piece.

Love in the Time of Cholera

Ok, we don't have cholera. My wife has pneumonia and a strained ribcage from coughing. I have bronchitis. Nico has conjunctivitis and perhaps a chest infection. We're all on antibiotics. Ellie is fine but, between you and me, kind of hard to take sometimes with her constant questioning. We know this is what four-year-olds are supposed to be doing, but at 5:45 A.M it's a little hard to take.

These are moments in which communication between spouses becomes even more important, as the usual pressures of finances, home repair, education, scheduling, etc. don't take a break because you are sick. So here are some marriage survival rules and tips.

1. Fights in the morning don't count.

Mornings are hard. We have to get the kids and ourselves ready and out the door with time pressures mounting. Sometimes we snap at each other. Our general policy is that these fights never happened. If there's a real issue to discuss, we can discuss it later.

2. If someone says "ok," it's okay.

You're fighting and one partner responds, "OK!" as a way of cutting off discussion. That's it. It's over. The person who was demanding something has to stop demanding, as the other partner has said "ok," however peevishly. And the person who said, "ok," well, for you it has to be okay. No grudges.

3. Google (or other remote) calendar.

Half of our fights, I think, I used to be about who needed to be where when, what commitments or late meetings were coming up soon, and so forth. Google calendar simply solved that problem.

There are more, but now I have to go give my children a bath. Waffles are sticky.